sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you would pick up someone in the library
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
