Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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