I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
