vagina is talking i cant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
