the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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