Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
