Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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