throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
