yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
