im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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