Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
