Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
