I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
kristin has been a bad kristin
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
