i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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