On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
