Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
