Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
