i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
