if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
