i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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