Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize