What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
