im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
