fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
