Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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