Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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