Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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