I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
