Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
