if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
