My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
