It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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