Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize