Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
