mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
