I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
