dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
