and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
