doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
