haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
