are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
