i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize