I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
