ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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