I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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