sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
