You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Less talking, more tequila
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
