Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
