I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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