i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
