anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
