HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
