A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
