Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
