Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
