Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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