can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
