We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she told me i tasted like america
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
