Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
