dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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