Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
