even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
