i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
